new year
truthfully, new years resolutions feel a little played out. i’m getting a lot of content on my feed talking about how resolutions are silly and pointless, etc. i think new years resolutions are a great time to force yourself to think about who you want to be going into the new year. humans, i think, are meant to evolve and change. sometimes that can mean letting go of what you’ve been used to or walking into the unfamiliar. i can’t really speak for others but i’ll share what i have been feeling.
things have been very uncertain for me in the last year. i felt like a bouncing ball all year and i don’t really want to feel that way anymore. when i look at my life as it is now, it feels like a bunch of floating pieces that are working in the opposite direction of what would make me feel safe or happy on my own. i know that sounds odd, but i’d like to think that most people might feel this way too. i’ve lived most of my life in that feeling - where am i going to go? how will i survive? how will i pay the next bill?this year i want to learn and start building a mental and a life where i can make myself feel safe.
i’m taking this time to cut out the noise of the world and my current anxieties to think about what i want actively work on to feel ok or safe in the future. this is the list:
health. i had a huge health scare this year in which i feared i wouldn’t make it to 2024 and though i am still working through that with a team of doctors, i want to work on getting my health to a good place.
friendship. friends have been the most important thing to me, as family was very difficult growing up and without friends, i probably wouldn’t have seen life this long. i’ve never been able to hold a best friend for too long. usually 4 years max. idk why. could be me, could be the ebb and flow, but either way i want to work on that. i want to put a healthy amount of effort in maintaining friendships and finding 1 or 2 more good friends this year. that may seem easy, but in LA, it can be challenging.
relationship. omg, i’m so embarrassed to mention this, but i have been in so many terrible relationships in the last decade. i’m pretty sure that i fall in love easily because i’m lonely. haha i said it. i’m a sad lonely girl with lots of trauma and grief and i probably find comfort in having relationships, idk. unfortunately AND also fortunately, i had the worst relationship i’ve had in my entire life last year, it was the quickest and fastest way to feel like i would never want a relationship again. all that to say, i fell in love again (sorry to myself, but also not sorry) to a person that has treated me like no other boyfriend i have ever had in my life. i know what you’re thinking - h o n e y m o o n stage. i know because i’m mindful of that TOO. it’s early days babes, but it’s the best early days babes i’ve had and we’ll see where we go.
career. i started a business. the business is a service and it’s stressful most of the times, with not enough pay yet. this year i want to spend a little more time on growing the business, and learning and refining this craft. though right now, i only want to share a little information on this here. maybe as the year goes on, i will share about it some more. since. this is a gamble - i also want to split my focus on finding a career path outside of my business to make sure that i have something to fall back on.
spiritual. can’t really say what my beliefs are because i feel a sense of shame to share with the stigma that surrounds what they are and fear of being judged, i think i’m less vocal about it. i don’t want others to think im shoving my beliefs down their throat but i do get happy to talk about it. maybe i don’t have to be as vocal, but i don’t want feel ashamed to talk about it when the moment comes. i have a little guilt around that but i want to actively work on praying more and finding times to connect with the nature around me.
that’s all i will say for now.
for my resolutions this year, i’d like to practice something everyday* (*hopefully) that strengthens these pieces in my life.
oh, one last thing - i want to write in here at least 2 times a week. thanks for reading. k bye.
with love,
yoonah
